El Classico part 1 has come and gone and has left many very elated and just as many with a bitter and sour taste in their mouth. Barca vs Real, the best teams in La Liga and arguably in Europe and the world. The draw that all football pundits look forward to; the most exciting match of the season. Did it live up to its billing? I believe so.
Featuring in the production are 2 young managers at the top of the game; the mild mannered Guardiola and the irrepressible Mourinho. The last 3yrs have belonged to them and they are as big an attraction as the stars themselves, especially Mourinho.
On the field there are many actors featuring on both sides but the 2 main attractions are Messi and Ronaldo. Messi plays football with a business like attitude and that is to get the job done without messing about. Ronaldo is a showman with an extravagant and flamboyant style plus an attitude that does not endear him to the fans.
The game kicked off at such a frenetic pace with Barca dictating and in no time had taken the game away from Real. In no time Barca had knocked in 2; if only Mourinho knew what was about to hit him he would have declared himself sick and stayed home. He was suspicious that Barca were fielding more than 11 players; I felt so myself. They swarmed, stormed and raided the Real end relentlessly with Messi always in the middle of the action. We must not forget the other stars like David Villa, Iniesta, Pedro, Puyol etcetc. You could resemble this to when Attila sacked Rome or was it the Goths, the Germanic tribe? By the time Barca had put in 4, Mourinho was looking like a motherless child while Guardiola was strutting the lines and barking out orders. You could see some hair growing on his bald patch. The young Bojan came on as a sub and in no time had joined the party by knocking in the 5th.
Meanwhile Ronaldo who had been locked out of the game looked dejected, morose, bad tempered and brattish. He went as far as shoving the Barca manager which should have earned him a red card.
Over all it was an entertaining game. We now await the return leg which should be just as entertaining. Don’t be surprised if Madrid reply in kind. I wish my friend Mourinho all the best. I like and admire him which does not mean that I dnt admire Guardiola. I also wish him the best.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
HOLIDAY WITH MY UNCLE: JUSTICE ASHTON PIPER
It was 1962(AD if you must know)& what we still called summer holiday was upon us. This was a holiday that usually was about 3 months long and a carry on from the British school system. It was a holiday that soon got boring and left you wishing you were back in school. I guess this was how most students felt because apart from the academics ,Kings College, Lagos had so much to offer by way of sports and other extra-curricular activities like the Cadet unit, photographic society, geographical society etc, etc. Every school term featured at least 1 major sport like football, cricket, athletics, hockey along side the minor sports like squash, table tennis & lawn tennis. When these games were not officially organized, students organized themselves into little groups and played any game of there choice which they called cashu or cashew which I believe is derived from the word casual. These games were played with such zest and spirit that left students famished and looking forward to their evening meals. School meals were properly prepared, nourishing and filling. I recall my favourite meal was beans, fried plantain & fried fish(ewa, dodo & fried fish). I better get back to my story before I forget what it is all about.
So it was in the summer of 1962, the very day after the commencement of the holiday, Uncle Ashton(Piper) appeared at our home to take me on holiday. No one should misunderstand this; Uncle Ashton was not going away on holiday to the Caribbean which is where he came from. That would have been marvelous had he been going to some exotic Caribbean island on his annual leave and had decided to take me; at least that was my initial thought. The only person on holiday was I. I was going to do the circuit with Uncle Ashton. Junior magistrate Patrick Doyle.
Maybe I should say a bit about Uncle Ashton Piper. Uncle Ashton was not a blood uncle but a very close friend of my old man. He was then a circuit magistrate in the old Western region of Nigeria & later became a judge before he retired and went back home to the Caribbean. He was a big man with a very warm disposition. He was married to Prof. Kofi Duncan’s sister and I remember in the fifties we use to spend a lot of time at the Duncan’s home at Palm avenue, Mushin. I can assure you that it was a different Palm avenue; palm trees were actually growing there. After my father passed on in 1959, Uncle Ashton was one of his few friends that stuck around and comforted us in whatever way possible.
Back to my story: It was dinner time at Uncle Ashton’s and like every polished family of them days, you had to wash up before coming to table. So all 4 of us, Uncle, his wife Aunty Ama, & Augustus his son politely sat down to supper. I can not recall if his daughter Cecilia was old enough to seat at table then. 1st course was passed at least so I thought; mug of cocoa and two slices of buttered bread. That went down very well with me; what a great starter I thought but then I noticed that I had wolfed down my food and others were still eating. So I said to myself ‘keep calm, the 2nd course will soon follow’. Alas!! Uncle Ashton announced “you children run off to bed, I’ll just retire to my study’. I thought to myself if maybe I should retire to the kitchen. That night, I did not sleep well and neither did Uncle Ashton, Aunty Ama nor anybody else within a kilometre of my stomach rumbling and grumbling. Aunty Ama made me a quick fix egg omelette and peace returned. After that night, I had a different dinner from every one else. My dinner was anything from rice and corned beef stew, chips and egg or just plain ketchup, fried plantain(dodo) to leftovers from lunch. Importantly, my stomach was always full and I was happy to understudy Uncle Ashton on his circuit.
I got to learn pretty late that Uncle Ashton passed on in September of 2008. I regret not having bade him farewell then. He was a lovely man & one of the 1st gentlemen of that era that actually played with kids. A belated RIP to him.
So it was in the summer of 1962, the very day after the commencement of the holiday, Uncle Ashton(Piper) appeared at our home to take me on holiday. No one should misunderstand this; Uncle Ashton was not going away on holiday to the Caribbean which is where he came from. That would have been marvelous had he been going to some exotic Caribbean island on his annual leave and had decided to take me; at least that was my initial thought. The only person on holiday was I. I was going to do the circuit with Uncle Ashton. Junior magistrate Patrick Doyle.
Maybe I should say a bit about Uncle Ashton Piper. Uncle Ashton was not a blood uncle but a very close friend of my old man. He was then a circuit magistrate in the old Western region of Nigeria & later became a judge before he retired and went back home to the Caribbean. He was a big man with a very warm disposition. He was married to Prof. Kofi Duncan’s sister and I remember in the fifties we use to spend a lot of time at the Duncan’s home at Palm avenue, Mushin. I can assure you that it was a different Palm avenue; palm trees were actually growing there. After my father passed on in 1959, Uncle Ashton was one of his few friends that stuck around and comforted us in whatever way possible.
Back to my story: It was dinner time at Uncle Ashton’s and like every polished family of them days, you had to wash up before coming to table. So all 4 of us, Uncle, his wife Aunty Ama, & Augustus his son politely sat down to supper. I can not recall if his daughter Cecilia was old enough to seat at table then. 1st course was passed at least so I thought; mug of cocoa and two slices of buttered bread. That went down very well with me; what a great starter I thought but then I noticed that I had wolfed down my food and others were still eating. So I said to myself ‘keep calm, the 2nd course will soon follow’. Alas!! Uncle Ashton announced “you children run off to bed, I’ll just retire to my study’. I thought to myself if maybe I should retire to the kitchen. That night, I did not sleep well and neither did Uncle Ashton, Aunty Ama nor anybody else within a kilometre of my stomach rumbling and grumbling. Aunty Ama made me a quick fix egg omelette and peace returned. After that night, I had a different dinner from every one else. My dinner was anything from rice and corned beef stew, chips and egg or just plain ketchup, fried plantain(dodo) to leftovers from lunch. Importantly, my stomach was always full and I was happy to understudy Uncle Ashton on his circuit.
I got to learn pretty late that Uncle Ashton passed on in September of 2008. I regret not having bade him farewell then. He was a lovely man & one of the 1st gentlemen of that era that actually played with kids. A belated RIP to him.
patrick hornblower: SPORTS
patrick hornblower: SPORTS: "Great sports weekend. Some 4 years ago, many thought Nadal would be burnt out in no time cos of his style of play.Most thought that he was e..."
SPORTS
Great sports weekend. Some 4 years ago, many thought Nadal would be burnt out in no time cos of his style of play.Most thought that he was extremely aggressive & expended much more energy than his contemporaries. He was compared to the gazelle like, graceful, elegant & personable Federer. But alas, here he is still winning titles & covering more ground than any other top contender yet, still looking as fit as a fiddle. His style of play belies his warm personality & gentleness off court.
Today in London he'll be facing Federer for the umpteenth time. 2 very contrasting styles & both masters in their own ways. I am set for one of the finest evenings of tennis.
I wish the both of them the best of luck.
Today in London he'll be facing Federer for the umpteenth time. 2 very contrasting styles & both masters in their own ways. I am set for one of the finest evenings of tennis.
I wish the both of them the best of luck.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
JCRS: JAPANESE CAR RECALL SYNDROME
When earlier this year or maybe going back to late last year, Toyota started recalling lots of its cars due to one defect or the other, I thought that maybe only a batch or 2 had been affected but the recalls continued. I believe over a million cars have been recalled to date. What's up I asked myself. Considered one of the most solid and reliable cars of the past 25yrs, they have combined elegance and reliability in their saloon cars and ruggedness and comfort in their 4 wheelers. They had something for all; conservatives, upwardly mobile, adventurers, explorers, armies and the many world and charity bodies whose businesses are traversing rough and rugged terrains. Suddenly 'KABOOM' and problems after problems.
First thing that crossed my mind was Industrial espionage/sabotage but who is responsible? Let us look at the natural suspects of which other car manufacturers must come first. There are the European, American, Korean and other Japanese car manifacturers. I was about to start sleuthing when certain things happened that forced me to start from a particular end.
Come late september/early october and it is Honda recalling cars. Late october and Nissan has recalled 2.1m cars. What da!!!. Is this a case of tit for tat, do me I do you, an eye for an eye sorry I mean a car for a car? Is this sweet revenge by Toyota? Maybe! Has Toyota taken revenge on the wrong rivals? Have they eliminated all other possible suspects?
What about Korea? Could it be Kim Jung-Il? I doubt that; he's working on bombing out Japan, South Korea, and just about anywhere else that irritates him. He does'nt do cars, it's too petty. But wait a minute! what about Kim Jung-Un, his heir apparent? Could he be practising to perfect his evil machinations in lieu of taking over from his father? This might just be a gift from his father. "Look here son, I dnt want you just hanging around doing nothing & waiting to takeover from me; You might be tempted to overthrow me which could be bad for our health. The idle mind is the Devil's workshop"(look who's talking) "Find something to occupy your time; terrorise those Chinese and Japanese fishing vessels or better still wreck the Japanese motor industry. That should be fun; I like that, get going kiddo" Kim Jung-Il says to Kim Jung-Un. I believe this is quite plausible or dn't you!!!
What about South Korea with potentially the biggest car market which is only being slowed down by the Japanese? They have come to the party looking good but are not getting enough attention so, sabotage the competition. If Japan recalls 5 million cars and South Korea can get 50% of the sale, it would mean the highest turnover it has ever had. I make South Korea my chief suspect.
I have not given Western Europe much of a look because most of their cars are over priced and have a patronage which could be said to be within the world of the conservative and the nouveau riche.
For the Americans, the motor industry has nothing good right now to talk about and recalling cars is not the injection they need.
It beats my imagination how so many cars can be recalled and yet the companies still stay afloat.
First thing that crossed my mind was Industrial espionage/sabotage but who is responsible? Let us look at the natural suspects of which other car manufacturers must come first. There are the European, American, Korean and other Japanese car manifacturers. I was about to start sleuthing when certain things happened that forced me to start from a particular end.
Come late september/early october and it is Honda recalling cars. Late october and Nissan has recalled 2.1m cars. What da!!!. Is this a case of tit for tat, do me I do you, an eye for an eye sorry I mean a car for a car? Is this sweet revenge by Toyota? Maybe! Has Toyota taken revenge on the wrong rivals? Have they eliminated all other possible suspects?
What about Korea? Could it be Kim Jung-Il? I doubt that; he's working on bombing out Japan, South Korea, and just about anywhere else that irritates him. He does'nt do cars, it's too petty. But wait a minute! what about Kim Jung-Un, his heir apparent? Could he be practising to perfect his evil machinations in lieu of taking over from his father? This might just be a gift from his father. "Look here son, I dnt want you just hanging around doing nothing & waiting to takeover from me; You might be tempted to overthrow me which could be bad for our health. The idle mind is the Devil's workshop"(look who's talking) "Find something to occupy your time; terrorise those Chinese and Japanese fishing vessels or better still wreck the Japanese motor industry. That should be fun; I like that, get going kiddo" Kim Jung-Il says to Kim Jung-Un. I believe this is quite plausible or dn't you!!!
What about South Korea with potentially the biggest car market which is only being slowed down by the Japanese? They have come to the party looking good but are not getting enough attention so, sabotage the competition. If Japan recalls 5 million cars and South Korea can get 50% of the sale, it would mean the highest turnover it has ever had. I make South Korea my chief suspect.
I have not given Western Europe much of a look because most of their cars are over priced and have a patronage which could be said to be within the world of the conservative and the nouveau riche.
For the Americans, the motor industry has nothing good right now to talk about and recalling cars is not the injection they need.
It beats my imagination how so many cars can be recalled and yet the companies still stay afloat.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
LIARS, LAWYERS AND POLICEMEN
So the police arrest somebody, anybody and call him the suspect. Anybody will do; just get the matter done with. So they manipulate everything manipulatable but most of all manufacture lies against the maybe or maybe not innocent person. They send their manufactured evidence and lies to the office of the Director of Public prosecution/District Attorney. They, the police convince(with or without incentives) the office of the DPP/DA that the accused is guilty and must be charged to court. The DPP's office appoints a counsel to handle the case; he will henceforth be known as the prosecutor.
The case gets to court and the accused now also known as the defendant has appointed a lawyer who will henceforth be known as the Defence counsel.
In no time, the prosecution starts to realize that the police have not done a good job of the case so it also employs untoward means in order not to lose face. More lies, fake and false witnesses and fabricated stories.
The defence realizing what the prosecution is upto starts to manufacture its own lies & evidence to counter the prosecution. The defendant is schooled in a way that could have earned him a PHD.
Let us not think that this is a one way traffic; when an accused is as guilty as sin, his defence lawyer starts to fabricate all the lies neede to protect him.
Meanwhile, the presiding Judge although maintaining a stern outlook is not fooled by all that is going on because the Judge has also gone through the whole hog. His or her judgement is going to favour who so ever has told the better lie.They see through each contender but I wonder why they cannot just say to either party to stop the rubbish.
Obviously, there are exceptions to the rules.
Now do not believe for one moment that only matters involving the police contain fabrications. Landlords who want a tenant out are just as bad. That broken louvre that you have not fixed will be termed as willful damage to the property. A young bachelor living alone comes home pretty late once or twice a week is a nuisance and menace to the neighbours; it is worse if the tenant is a lady; she is immediately termed a prostitute and such a life style is not compatible with the very responsible co-tenants. In such civil cases the Landlord is referred to as the PLAINTHIEF; sorry, I beg your pardon, the right name is plaintiff.
The tenant makes a very brave effort to defend; he tells the court how the landlord habitually wants to raise the rent by over 50%; how he has built a shop in front of the house which has devalued the property & ruined the landscape. It goes on and on and I wonder why judges do not just lose their temper and throw them out. I do not envy Judges, what with all the crap they have to cope with.
Can I get a witness.
The case gets to court and the accused now also known as the defendant has appointed a lawyer who will henceforth be known as the Defence counsel.
In no time, the prosecution starts to realize that the police have not done a good job of the case so it also employs untoward means in order not to lose face. More lies, fake and false witnesses and fabricated stories.
The defence realizing what the prosecution is upto starts to manufacture its own lies & evidence to counter the prosecution. The defendant is schooled in a way that could have earned him a PHD.
Let us not think that this is a one way traffic; when an accused is as guilty as sin, his defence lawyer starts to fabricate all the lies neede to protect him.
Meanwhile, the presiding Judge although maintaining a stern outlook is not fooled by all that is going on because the Judge has also gone through the whole hog. His or her judgement is going to favour who so ever has told the better lie.They see through each contender but I wonder why they cannot just say to either party to stop the rubbish.
Obviously, there are exceptions to the rules.
Now do not believe for one moment that only matters involving the police contain fabrications. Landlords who want a tenant out are just as bad. That broken louvre that you have not fixed will be termed as willful damage to the property. A young bachelor living alone comes home pretty late once or twice a week is a nuisance and menace to the neighbours; it is worse if the tenant is a lady; she is immediately termed a prostitute and such a life style is not compatible with the very responsible co-tenants. In such civil cases the Landlord is referred to as the PLAINTHIEF; sorry, I beg your pardon, the right name is plaintiff.
The tenant makes a very brave effort to defend; he tells the court how the landlord habitually wants to raise the rent by over 50%; how he has built a shop in front of the house which has devalued the property & ruined the landscape. It goes on and on and I wonder why judges do not just lose their temper and throw them out. I do not envy Judges, what with all the crap they have to cope with.
Can I get a witness.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
SLAVERY IS ALIFE & WELL
So there is slavery everywhere and why are people shocked about this??? Not me! I have seen slavery and I have met slaves and touched slaves. Slavery is everywhere and I know it is deep in the Earth’s crust, on the ocean floors, in international business and relationships, in every nook and cranny of this Earth. Even some of the UFOs sighted now and then are carrying alien slaves or have probably whisked away some earthlings into inter galactic slavery.
Slavery was the topic on Larry King Live this morning and the discussants mentioned how slavery is on the rise in every corner of the world. I thought to myself ‘Are they just knowing that? There might even be a slave in the CNN studio or maybe one of the discussants is even a slave plotting his or her escape through the show.’ Jokes aside, did anyone really ever think that slavery would disappear just like that, something that has been with us for all eternity? From the moment man developed society where there were tribal chiefs, clan heads etc etc, someone had to be at the bottom rung of the ladder. Whipping and torture do not define slavery although they formed a basic part of ancient slavery. For a good while, Larry king thought that the slave issue was all about illegal immigrant workers but got a rude awakening when told that there were American slaves, citizens of the US of A. Slavers would comb the streets for vulnerable young boys and girls. The bait would be a well turned out good-looking boy or girl, an epitome of the good life.
When I said there are slaves in the crust of the earth and in the depths of the oceans, I meant it because there are slaves working the mines and diving for oysters, scallops and other exotic shellfish. They mostly only get a meal or two daily for these dangerous jobs while the slavers or middlemen and the big guns in the cities make a killing. Farmers are not exempt from this and they are just as culpable as the others.
There are those employed as domestics aka houseboys and housegirls as they are generally referred to in my country and West Africa. Readers from this region must be familiar with these young children directly or indirectly. It is still common practice to go into a home and find a child from about 6yrs upwards doing menial jobs from sundown to sunset. The child (mostly girls) sleeps on the bare floor, is up at about 5am, gets the children ready for school, prepares their meal, washes their clothes and gets little or no medical treatment. As soon as there is a sign of dangerous ailment, she is bundled back to her village. Starvation forces villagers to sell their children outright or just hand them over to people from the city who have promised to treat the kids as one of theirs. In fact, some of the children and the slavers are related but you would not know that when you see the treatment meted out to them.
Prostitution I gather is the most profiting of the slave trades and the most successful are the East Europeans. East European girls and women are the hottest in this biz. They are wanted in the Americas, Western Europe, Africa and anywhere there are men. Asian women, especially children are hot in illegal sex trade not only outside their borders but also within. It is a great tourist attraction.
Men seeking a better life outside their countries get involved with all sorts of dubious characters and death is never too far from them. They suffocate in containers, die by drowning, fall off Lorries, and are crushed to death by oncoming vehicles. Many more are killed by those they have engaged to see them through. What bugs me is the kind of money paid for these ill-fated adventures, I wonder why such amounts could not be put to better use.
What about slavery involving Nations or one Nation and an International body? This I believe is called Economic and financial slavery. Where a Sovereign state owes so much money that its day to day affair is supervised by creditors. Do you remember when the IMF almost had our soul?
In almost everything we wear or eat there is a touch of slavery but how are we to know; be vigilant, discourage slavery where you can . Cheap labour is another disguise for slavery. Be reasonable with people you employ; do not cheat or cash in on their lowly status.
Slavery was the topic on Larry King Live this morning and the discussants mentioned how slavery is on the rise in every corner of the world. I thought to myself ‘Are they just knowing that? There might even be a slave in the CNN studio or maybe one of the discussants is even a slave plotting his or her escape through the show.’ Jokes aside, did anyone really ever think that slavery would disappear just like that, something that has been with us for all eternity? From the moment man developed society where there were tribal chiefs, clan heads etc etc, someone had to be at the bottom rung of the ladder. Whipping and torture do not define slavery although they formed a basic part of ancient slavery. For a good while, Larry king thought that the slave issue was all about illegal immigrant workers but got a rude awakening when told that there were American slaves, citizens of the US of A. Slavers would comb the streets for vulnerable young boys and girls. The bait would be a well turned out good-looking boy or girl, an epitome of the good life.
When I said there are slaves in the crust of the earth and in the depths of the oceans, I meant it because there are slaves working the mines and diving for oysters, scallops and other exotic shellfish. They mostly only get a meal or two daily for these dangerous jobs while the slavers or middlemen and the big guns in the cities make a killing. Farmers are not exempt from this and they are just as culpable as the others.
There are those employed as domestics aka houseboys and housegirls as they are generally referred to in my country and West Africa. Readers from this region must be familiar with these young children directly or indirectly. It is still common practice to go into a home and find a child from about 6yrs upwards doing menial jobs from sundown to sunset. The child (mostly girls) sleeps on the bare floor, is up at about 5am, gets the children ready for school, prepares their meal, washes their clothes and gets little or no medical treatment. As soon as there is a sign of dangerous ailment, she is bundled back to her village. Starvation forces villagers to sell their children outright or just hand them over to people from the city who have promised to treat the kids as one of theirs. In fact, some of the children and the slavers are related but you would not know that when you see the treatment meted out to them.
Prostitution I gather is the most profiting of the slave trades and the most successful are the East Europeans. East European girls and women are the hottest in this biz. They are wanted in the Americas, Western Europe, Africa and anywhere there are men. Asian women, especially children are hot in illegal sex trade not only outside their borders but also within. It is a great tourist attraction.
Men seeking a better life outside their countries get involved with all sorts of dubious characters and death is never too far from them. They suffocate in containers, die by drowning, fall off Lorries, and are crushed to death by oncoming vehicles. Many more are killed by those they have engaged to see them through. What bugs me is the kind of money paid for these ill-fated adventures, I wonder why such amounts could not be put to better use.
What about slavery involving Nations or one Nation and an International body? This I believe is called Economic and financial slavery. Where a Sovereign state owes so much money that its day to day affair is supervised by creditors. Do you remember when the IMF almost had our soul?
In almost everything we wear or eat there is a touch of slavery but how are we to know; be vigilant, discourage slavery where you can . Cheap labour is another disguise for slavery. Be reasonable with people you employ; do not cheat or cash in on their lowly status.
Monday, October 18, 2010
patrick hornblower: TRAFFIC OR POCKET CONTROLLERS
patrick hornblower: TRAFFIC OR POCKET CONTROLLERS: "I am one person that believes in paying up all bills on time & I always make sure all documents legalizing things that I employ for every da..."
TRAFFIC OR POCKET CONTROLLERS
I am one person that believes in paying up all bills on time & I always make sure all documents legalizing things that I employ for every day life are in place. “Pay your utility bills on time; obtain your Tv & radio licence; do not drive out without your vehicle particulars & your driving licence ,” I always say to myself. Apart from the fact these are your civic responsibilities more important to me is the fact that the extortionists from the various agencies will not have a chance to harass you. The palaver these people can put you through will make you wish you had done the right thing in the first place. You get to realize that playing Roger the dodger is not worth your while. Persons that you would normally have authority over will belittle you but because you have compromised yourself they will take total charge of you & your soul; you will have that sinking feeling & even after regularizing your documents, which you probably would have done by offering something in exchange, you would have lost face. Despite all of these, there are people who abhor paying bills; you will find water bills that come at no more than N500.00 a month accruing to over N24, 000.00. Why I ask myself & I say, it is a disease & it is not a rare disease. Go past your Nepa office and everyday there are long queues of people begging to be reconnected. Of course, some are there to correct errors but a majority is looking for an illegal way out.
For people who drive without complete documents I cannot understand. The fact that they inconvenience themselves would be of no bother; more annoying is the inconvenience to others. At a police checkpoint, one driver with irregular papers can cause a traffic build up going back a mile not to mention accidents arising from these checkpoints. The commercial vehicle (danfo, molue, taxi) drivers are slightly better because they have their contributions for the day or trip ready. With extended hands out of the vehicle, they hand over anything from N10.00 to N100.00 to the policeman or traffic controller and just keep moving. The fall out of this is that they develop such audacious & indifferent attitude to the flow of traffic. They stop, park, embark, disembark, off-load, load etc, anywhere while the traffic controllers turn a blind eye. It is not unusual to find both the supposed law enforcer & the commercial vehicle drivers totally stoned out of their minds by drugs or alcohol or both. It is frightening to think that some of these police officers are heavily armed while under the influence of drugs or alcohol & quite a number of people have lost their lives in circumstances that never warranted the use of arms. The police force, on most occasions, has referred to such incidents as ‘accidental discharge’.
My experience on a not so very nice day was devoid of any serious incidence & all because I was very much under the weather. I was suffering from my usual gouty arthritis, which has been my ailment since I was 27, some 35yrs ago. My wife’s driver took me to the hospital because this was a serious attack & on our way back we ran into a police checkpoint. I told the driver to get all particulars ready and paid no further attention. I raised my head from the paper I was reading to notice one officer getting into the passenger seat. Being one not known to be tolerant of police harassment, I aggressively asked the officer to get out of the car. He turned round, faced me & what I saw told me to cool down. He had bloodshot eyes & what looked like fumes were coming out of his nostrils and ears. When he opened his mouth, the putrid & pungent smell of cheap alcohol rocked me. This man could have been used as a caricature of the fire-spitting dragon that St. George slew. He got out of the car and with his rifle swinging in every direction he told me that he was taking us to the police station because my driver did not have his licence on him. The driver had told him that he left the licence in the other car. I told him I would wait there while the driver goes home to fetch his licence. This he said was not possible as the driver was the culprit. I was not ready to succumb to him so I said we should go to the police station to which he responded that that would be at 4pm when he finished at the checkpoint; time was still 10.30am. His mate now playing good cop approached me, condemned his action and advised that I give him something to end the matter. The audacity of this cop; he wanted N10k but at the end of the day I parted with N2k.
For people who drive without complete documents I cannot understand. The fact that they inconvenience themselves would be of no bother; more annoying is the inconvenience to others. At a police checkpoint, one driver with irregular papers can cause a traffic build up going back a mile not to mention accidents arising from these checkpoints. The commercial vehicle (danfo, molue, taxi) drivers are slightly better because they have their contributions for the day or trip ready. With extended hands out of the vehicle, they hand over anything from N10.00 to N100.00 to the policeman or traffic controller and just keep moving. The fall out of this is that they develop such audacious & indifferent attitude to the flow of traffic. They stop, park, embark, disembark, off-load, load etc, anywhere while the traffic controllers turn a blind eye. It is not unusual to find both the supposed law enforcer & the commercial vehicle drivers totally stoned out of their minds by drugs or alcohol or both. It is frightening to think that some of these police officers are heavily armed while under the influence of drugs or alcohol & quite a number of people have lost their lives in circumstances that never warranted the use of arms. The police force, on most occasions, has referred to such incidents as ‘accidental discharge’.
My experience on a not so very nice day was devoid of any serious incidence & all because I was very much under the weather. I was suffering from my usual gouty arthritis, which has been my ailment since I was 27, some 35yrs ago. My wife’s driver took me to the hospital because this was a serious attack & on our way back we ran into a police checkpoint. I told the driver to get all particulars ready and paid no further attention. I raised my head from the paper I was reading to notice one officer getting into the passenger seat. Being one not known to be tolerant of police harassment, I aggressively asked the officer to get out of the car. He turned round, faced me & what I saw told me to cool down. He had bloodshot eyes & what looked like fumes were coming out of his nostrils and ears. When he opened his mouth, the putrid & pungent smell of cheap alcohol rocked me. This man could have been used as a caricature of the fire-spitting dragon that St. George slew. He got out of the car and with his rifle swinging in every direction he told me that he was taking us to the police station because my driver did not have his licence on him. The driver had told him that he left the licence in the other car. I told him I would wait there while the driver goes home to fetch his licence. This he said was not possible as the driver was the culprit. I was not ready to succumb to him so I said we should go to the police station to which he responded that that would be at 4pm when he finished at the checkpoint; time was still 10.30am. His mate now playing good cop approached me, condemned his action and advised that I give him something to end the matter. The audacity of this cop; he wanted N10k but at the end of the day I parted with N2k.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
patrick hornblower: FOOD: EVERYBODY'S FOOD IS BEST
patrick hornblower: FOOD: EVERYBODY'S FOOD IS BEST: "I sit down today, watch television with disgust, disbelief, and sometimes with nausea as people consume all sorts of living things ranging f..."
patrick hornblower: Poverty and governments
patrick hornblower: Poverty and governments: "It was heart warming to have listened to Wen Jiabao's (chinese premier) speech at the UN moreso because I believed he sounded truthful and b..."
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
patrick hornblower: Poverty and governments
patrick hornblower: Poverty and governments: "It was heart warming to have listened to Wen Jiabao's (chinese premier) speech at the UN moreso because I believed he sounded truthful and b..."
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Poverty and governments
It was heart warming to have listened to Wen Jiabao's (chinese premier) speech at the UN moreso because I believed he sounded truthful and believing that the other developed countries will follow suit in his charge to them. He listed how far China had come, how much it had invested in developing countries and what its intention is by way of assistance to the developing and under developed countries. It is mind blowing how far China has come since Mao's revolution even though what China is today might not be exactly what he had in mind just like Lenin might be wondering how a mad man like Stalin ruled Russia.I have always believed that communism or welfarism of some sort is the mode of government that can ensure equitable development in developing or under developed countries. You do not have to do it like China or Russia. China oppressed and silenced her people for decades; there were imprisonments, killings with no regard to world views, compulsory birth control and the people were voiceless. Can we say that all those atrocities were a necessary price to pay for their achievements today? Those things were horrendous and that is why I call my idea Communism of some sort, something different and peculiar to us.Communism is all about affording equal opportunities to everyone and the burden is on the government to provide all the infrastructures but for how long can a government carry such a burden? This is where slowly but surely China is opening its doors to the international market and allowing its citizens to participate in free enterprise, challenging international conglomerates and at the same time allowing foreign investments in China. A communist country can go bust if it does not know when to call it quits and this is where China has excelled. Castro overthrew the very debauched and corrupt government of Batiste and introduced communism. He has done well for his people but he has failed to see the sign for change even when his allies have moved on. Never the less, he has been a great leader and he gave his people an identity. No matter how good you are, you must have opponents. In our country we say we have a democracy but considering all that has happened, there is no difference between our democracy, communism and dictatorship. Journalists are molested, the police belongs to the powerful and justice is hardly seen to be done. The minority is the majority that has bought the hungry real majority for a pittiance. Do not believe the government stats but the divide is growing wider and wider; street urchins are a threat to motorists; beggars are our decoration at major street junctions; mothers carrying their babies begging for alms to buy food so that they may in turn produce sufficient milk for their infants. Armed robbery and prostitution are on the rise. In communism, who do you want to rob or sell sex to when you are more or less equal in each and every way.The present system assures us that there is a government of the rich, by the rich and for the rich; that the chances of a have not infiltrating the system is next to nil. I asked my former driver who had 6 kids with one more on the way why it was so and he said that one of them might grow up to be an Abiola and bail them out of their poverty. I did not know how to give him the percentage or odds of one of his kids being an Abiola or Obasanjo(if he accepts). If there was a government that assured him of his tomorrow he would not think that breeding like a rabbit was the way out. One other yard stick by which we can measure poverty is the prevalence of religion. Believe it or not, a majority that goes to church is seeking financial salvation but more often than not comes out poorer while the bishops , pastors or whatever names they go by extort every kobo from them.Remember Argentina and what they did to all those generals; remember Rawlings in Ghana, Kenyatta, kaunda, Nyerere and Mandela who could have caused chaos in South Africa.Let us ask about our country: who will bell the cat; who is ready to grab that mad tiger by the tail or the raging bull by the horn? We do not suffer from natural disasters but our leaders are tsunamis, hurricanes, earthquakes, volcanoes and monsoons.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
patrick hornblower: Judas did not betray Jesus
patrick hornblower: Judas did not betray Jesus: "Sometime ago a character named Judas Iscariot who was one of the disciples of Jesus Christ was shamed & ostracised because, according to the..."
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
FOOD: EVERYBODY'S FOOD IS BEST
I sit down today, watch television with disgust, disbelief, and sometimes with nausea as people consume all sorts of living things ranging from insects, bugs, slugs, maggots, grubs, spiders, scorpions, etc, etc.
These culinary dishes which were once confined to the tribes in the jungles of Asia, Africa, Australia, Central and South America have not only found their way to the cities and prime time television but are also being considered as delicacies and tabled as haute cuisine.
The patrons of these weird dishes are Europeans and European Americans; the same people who many years ago condemned the foods of their local hosts and imported all their foods. They snubbed the local foods and sometimes made unsavoury remarks and these impacted negatively on the locals.
The educated and enlightened locals, some of whom had studied abroad, on achieving status in government or in the big prevalent European companies, decided that the best way to live was the way the colonial masters did. They dressed like them, went ballroom dancing, had tea in the hot African sun but to top it all, employed cooks who knew or supposedly knew how to prepare European dishes. Things like steak with potatoes and mushy peas served with some not very exciting gravy. Come dinner time and they would put on their jackets and ties. Just imagine that; going to put on a suit or even a tie to have dinner in my home!!!. Children were not exempt from these rules; I must say we were not at all impressed.
Time was when eating a good Nigerian meal outside of your home was confined to the bukas or mama put as they are called today. In the 50s, 60s and probably in the 70s you could not get a decent Nigerian meal in any hotel or top class restaurant and even at parties, food was restricted to rice, chicken & dodo(fried plantain) which was thought to look presentable unlike the not so eye catching but very tasty amala & ewedu with fresh fish(Yoruba dishes of Oyo state).
As they say there are always exemptions to the rule and I recall in the mid to late 70s, I had a hand full of European friends of which the Italians stood out. Every Saturday, they came over to my flat for ogbono, okro and egusi soup served with either pounded yam or eba. In return, I was constantly a guest in one home or the other sampling great Italian dishes beyond spaghetti & macaroni; a far cry from British food of those days.
Today, Africans are proudly dishing out their national dishes out of New York, Dublin, London, Paris, Frankfurt, Rome, Chicago, LA etc etc & the natives of these cities are enjoying them. British food is no longer bland because they, like most other Europeans & North Americans are incorporating Asian, Caribbean, African and Latin American flavours to their dishes. African recipes are all over the internet and the varieties are expanding daily because we also are adding some foreign touches to our recipes.
I also recall how the colonial masters thought eating with your fingers was an abomination; eating with one’s fingers is not restricted to Africans & Asians; check out the Mediterranean countries of Europe & the Middle East ; these are places where food and the preparation is like religion; fingers come first. Due to certain exigencies, the cutlery has become an advantage.
I love cooking; to me it is an art where you can let your imagination run wild like Picasso or Michelangelo would do. It is a science when you know that your concoction is going to cause a delightful explosion of your taste buds. You can cook like mummy cooked and that would be okay for the unadventurous.
I eat almost anything presented to me but I do not think am ready for insects, bugs, worms etcetc. I have had goats’ balls, brain omelette, raw meat and lots of other animal parts and am willing to try more but not insects and bugs.
Today, the middle class menu is international from, Indian curries, Chinese stir fries, Italian pasta sauces, Japanese sushi to Mexican chilies etc, etc. If you cannot prepare it, just check round the corner and some restaurant somewhere must have it on its menu. Regardless of these varieties one must long for those foods that one grew up with; it is your comfort food that soothes and satisfies you through and through.
My favourite foreign foods are Arab foods of North Africa to the Middle east. These people are prolific at cooking lamb & goat. They have a very wide varieties of kebabs, kaftas, & kebays; Their salads are aromatic especially Tabouleh, a parsley based herby salad. There is hommous which has become an international dip; vine leafs stuffed with rice and mince and cooked with a good chunk of lamb attached to the bone. Yummy.
Bon appetite and always remember that everybody's mother is the best cook.
These culinary dishes which were once confined to the tribes in the jungles of Asia, Africa, Australia, Central and South America have not only found their way to the cities and prime time television but are also being considered as delicacies and tabled as haute cuisine.
The patrons of these weird dishes are Europeans and European Americans; the same people who many years ago condemned the foods of their local hosts and imported all their foods. They snubbed the local foods and sometimes made unsavoury remarks and these impacted negatively on the locals.
The educated and enlightened locals, some of whom had studied abroad, on achieving status in government or in the big prevalent European companies, decided that the best way to live was the way the colonial masters did. They dressed like them, went ballroom dancing, had tea in the hot African sun but to top it all, employed cooks who knew or supposedly knew how to prepare European dishes. Things like steak with potatoes and mushy peas served with some not very exciting gravy. Come dinner time and they would put on their jackets and ties. Just imagine that; going to put on a suit or even a tie to have dinner in my home!!!. Children were not exempt from these rules; I must say we were not at all impressed.
Time was when eating a good Nigerian meal outside of your home was confined to the bukas or mama put as they are called today. In the 50s, 60s and probably in the 70s you could not get a decent Nigerian meal in any hotel or top class restaurant and even at parties, food was restricted to rice, chicken & dodo(fried plantain) which was thought to look presentable unlike the not so eye catching but very tasty amala & ewedu with fresh fish(Yoruba dishes of Oyo state).
As they say there are always exemptions to the rule and I recall in the mid to late 70s, I had a hand full of European friends of which the Italians stood out. Every Saturday, they came over to my flat for ogbono, okro and egusi soup served with either pounded yam or eba. In return, I was constantly a guest in one home or the other sampling great Italian dishes beyond spaghetti & macaroni; a far cry from British food of those days.
Today, Africans are proudly dishing out their national dishes out of New York, Dublin, London, Paris, Frankfurt, Rome, Chicago, LA etc etc & the natives of these cities are enjoying them. British food is no longer bland because they, like most other Europeans & North Americans are incorporating Asian, Caribbean, African and Latin American flavours to their dishes. African recipes are all over the internet and the varieties are expanding daily because we also are adding some foreign touches to our recipes.
I also recall how the colonial masters thought eating with your fingers was an abomination; eating with one’s fingers is not restricted to Africans & Asians; check out the Mediterranean countries of Europe & the Middle East ; these are places where food and the preparation is like religion; fingers come first. Due to certain exigencies, the cutlery has become an advantage.
I love cooking; to me it is an art where you can let your imagination run wild like Picasso or Michelangelo would do. It is a science when you know that your concoction is going to cause a delightful explosion of your taste buds. You can cook like mummy cooked and that would be okay for the unadventurous.
I eat almost anything presented to me but I do not think am ready for insects, bugs, worms etcetc. I have had goats’ balls, brain omelette, raw meat and lots of other animal parts and am willing to try more but not insects and bugs.
Today, the middle class menu is international from, Indian curries, Chinese stir fries, Italian pasta sauces, Japanese sushi to Mexican chilies etc, etc. If you cannot prepare it, just check round the corner and some restaurant somewhere must have it on its menu. Regardless of these varieties one must long for those foods that one grew up with; it is your comfort food that soothes and satisfies you through and through.
My favourite foreign foods are Arab foods of North Africa to the Middle east. These people are prolific at cooking lamb & goat. They have a very wide varieties of kebabs, kaftas, & kebays; Their salads are aromatic especially Tabouleh, a parsley based herby salad. There is hommous which has become an international dip; vine leafs stuffed with rice and mince and cooked with a good chunk of lamb attached to the bone. Yummy.
Bon appetite and always remember that everybody's mother is the best cook.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
RELIGION OF THE CONSCIENCE
Are you afraid of or do you hold in awe your God or gods? Are you committed to a particular mode of worship because you were born into it? Do you have reservations about your religion but are afraid to talk about them because you might look like an atheist, non-believer, rebel, child of the devil etc? Do you in general want to question or challenge your religion & what it stands for? Do you doubt the existence of your God or gods but still join in worship as an insurance in case he, she, or they actually exist?
If you have answered any one of the following positively then my advice to you is to join RELIGION OF THE CONSCIENCE where you learn to rely on your brain and your conscience to determine your dos and donts. Bear in mind that for every action, there is a reaction, which might be painful, but if like Machiavelli, you believe that the end justifies the means, do please carry on. You are definitely ready to bear the consequences of your action. Religion of the conscience is free because everyone has a conscience albeit guilty or not. No tithes or other obligations are imposed on you. Nobody looks down on you when you fail to make a compulsory donation. Nobody feeds fat over your hard-earned income by promising that you will be replenished 10 fold.
If you start hearing murmurs in your heart or voices of your God or gods after becoming a member of the Religion of conscience, I suggest that you go back to your previous calling as this is an indication that you are in limbo & are not strong enough to think for yourself.
When you belong to anyone of the religions that may be covered by paragraph one, you are subjected to two laws; your religious laws (canon, sharia etc) & the laws of the land, & sometimes they conflict. With the Religion of Conscience, you are subject only to the laws of the land and your brain and your conscience are the best tools to handle these.
Are you one that believes that there is something more than life on earth? In other words, you believe in double punishment or reward; that if you have been reprimanded here on earth there is further punishment awaiting you when you die.
What about the Devil, Satan, Lucifer or the evil gods of other religions? What part do they play in all of these? People who are caught doing wrong are quick to blame the devil for their actions and in some other religions, evil spirits are blamed for their plight. Be it cancer, sickle cell, diabetes,etc, when something is inexplicable, you hear shouts like it is in God’s hands, the gods are responsible or the devil is at work. When tsunamis, mudslides, hurricanes and other natural disasters occur, I do not hear any body blaming God since in the context of Islam, Xtianity and Judaism, they claim he is the creator of all. Should he not have armed man with the ability to avert the disasters brought on by nature? Why are the disasters there in the first place? I get confused when something horrible happens & Xtians say that it is the will of God, only God knows best, the Lord works in amysterious way. If all of these be the case what is the devil responsible for????
Some religions blame it on the evil gods who probably have over-powered the good gods which makes more sense.
Famine claims millions of lives and yet they say it is the will of God or the gods. In a few countries, famine will never be known because man has found the solution. Everyday & second man is developing and solving some more problems. When the going is good, people will say, ”I thank God for that” and then when disaster strikes , they will shout “ Oh my God why me?” But mean while you claim that he knows best. So submit yourself entirely & stop grumbling or abandon ship & let your conscience dictate.
Do not blame God or the gods or even the devil for your woes. Even you have become independent of your parents & so will your children some day. So leave God or whoever alone and do your thing.
If you have answered any one of the following positively then my advice to you is to join RELIGION OF THE CONSCIENCE where you learn to rely on your brain and your conscience to determine your dos and donts. Bear in mind that for every action, there is a reaction, which might be painful, but if like Machiavelli, you believe that the end justifies the means, do please carry on. You are definitely ready to bear the consequences of your action. Religion of the conscience is free because everyone has a conscience albeit guilty or not. No tithes or other obligations are imposed on you. Nobody looks down on you when you fail to make a compulsory donation. Nobody feeds fat over your hard-earned income by promising that you will be replenished 10 fold.
If you start hearing murmurs in your heart or voices of your God or gods after becoming a member of the Religion of conscience, I suggest that you go back to your previous calling as this is an indication that you are in limbo & are not strong enough to think for yourself.
When you belong to anyone of the religions that may be covered by paragraph one, you are subjected to two laws; your religious laws (canon, sharia etc) & the laws of the land, & sometimes they conflict. With the Religion of Conscience, you are subject only to the laws of the land and your brain and your conscience are the best tools to handle these.
Are you one that believes that there is something more than life on earth? In other words, you believe in double punishment or reward; that if you have been reprimanded here on earth there is further punishment awaiting you when you die.
What about the Devil, Satan, Lucifer or the evil gods of other religions? What part do they play in all of these? People who are caught doing wrong are quick to blame the devil for their actions and in some other religions, evil spirits are blamed for their plight. Be it cancer, sickle cell, diabetes,etc, when something is inexplicable, you hear shouts like it is in God’s hands, the gods are responsible or the devil is at work. When tsunamis, mudslides, hurricanes and other natural disasters occur, I do not hear any body blaming God since in the context of Islam, Xtianity and Judaism, they claim he is the creator of all. Should he not have armed man with the ability to avert the disasters brought on by nature? Why are the disasters there in the first place? I get confused when something horrible happens & Xtians say that it is the will of God, only God knows best, the Lord works in amysterious way. If all of these be the case what is the devil responsible for????
Some religions blame it on the evil gods who probably have over-powered the good gods which makes more sense.
Famine claims millions of lives and yet they say it is the will of God or the gods. In a few countries, famine will never be known because man has found the solution. Everyday & second man is developing and solving some more problems. When the going is good, people will say, ”I thank God for that” and then when disaster strikes , they will shout “ Oh my God why me?” But mean while you claim that he knows best. So submit yourself entirely & stop grumbling or abandon ship & let your conscience dictate.
Do not blame God or the gods or even the devil for your woes. Even you have become independent of your parents & so will your children some day. So leave God or whoever alone and do your thing.
Thursday, August 19, 2010
The Donkey and Da Dick
For as far back as I can remember, we have always compared the man who is well hung or has a huge dick to that of the donkeys’. In my hometown, you would hear things like “ol’ boy the man na Jackie”; in other words the man is a jackass which is another name for a male ass or donkey & jackie is the guy name for jackass. Aside of donkeys being the yard stick for defining huge dicks, horses are also used but who cares horses & donkeys are cousins.
The story or joke I am about to tell I first heard some forty years ago but I have sexed it up to give it some oomph.
Way back in the eighteen hundreds in a mining town in Arizona, the miners always gathered at the Mad Horse saloon for drinks, card games, sing alongs & of course, women and every day they noticed this lonely, morose, sad and melancholic donkey just hanging outside the saloon. Somebody added that the donkey always looked so sad. “Oh yes” everybody concurred. Jerry the foreman of the miners then called all to attention & said that he is offering $100.00 (big money then) to anyone who could make the donkey laugh. Little O’Malley immediately took him on and said with such boldness “ I will make that donkey laugh” then he went on to ask “ will you give me another $100.00 if I make it cry” he asked? Jerry the foreman agreed. Everyone was surprised at O’Malley’s move; they had always known him to be a timid and shy fellow and all he ever did was to do all the odd jobs for the big boys but true to form, this was also an odd job. Regardless they still wondered what Little O’Malley who stood at just over 5ft 2ins could be up to.
So O’Malley stepped out on the dirt road and met with the donkey while all the other folks struggled for good viewing positions from inside the saloon.
As the people watched, O’Malley tenderly took the donkey by the head and he seemed to be saying something into the donkey’s ears. In no time the donkey was kicking around, laughing, neighing and running up and down the dirt road. Everyone was amazed “What in heaven’s name overtook that donkey” many asked? O’Malley beckoned for calm while he summoned the donkey. He took the donkey to a corner where no one could see. When he returned the donkey actually was crying with tears running down its eyes.
O’Malley walked up to Jerry the foreman who did not hesitate in paying him the $200.00 as agreed. But then everyone pleaded with O’Malley to let them into the secret. O’Malley said “To make him laugh I told it I had a bigger dick than it and of course no donkey would ever believe that”. Everyone agreed that it made sense; “but then what did you do to make it cry?” they asked in unison. “Oh that was easy “he said. “I took him round the corner and showed him my dick” he added. While all the men gazed at O’Malley in amazement and disbelief, the ladies had rushed at him shouting out things like “O”Malley I’ll give you for free; O’Malley you dn’t have to pay rent anymore; O’Malley I always thought you were 6ft tall” and so on and so forth. Rumour has it that O’Malley went on to travel the Wild West exhibiting his huge talent, making good money and fathering some fifty or more children. His road show was named DA DICK. It is claimed that he was ambushed and clobbered to death by 2 very irate husbands; one said he no longer could feel his wife and the other rejected his son saying that he was just as talented as O’Malley.
There are a few lessons from this story; 1)Do not underrate a man because of his size ;2) Do not use your natural talent recklessly for you might die early.
The story or joke I am about to tell I first heard some forty years ago but I have sexed it up to give it some oomph.
Way back in the eighteen hundreds in a mining town in Arizona, the miners always gathered at the Mad Horse saloon for drinks, card games, sing alongs & of course, women and every day they noticed this lonely, morose, sad and melancholic donkey just hanging outside the saloon. Somebody added that the donkey always looked so sad. “Oh yes” everybody concurred. Jerry the foreman of the miners then called all to attention & said that he is offering $100.00 (big money then) to anyone who could make the donkey laugh. Little O’Malley immediately took him on and said with such boldness “ I will make that donkey laugh” then he went on to ask “ will you give me another $100.00 if I make it cry” he asked? Jerry the foreman agreed. Everyone was surprised at O’Malley’s move; they had always known him to be a timid and shy fellow and all he ever did was to do all the odd jobs for the big boys but true to form, this was also an odd job. Regardless they still wondered what Little O’Malley who stood at just over 5ft 2ins could be up to.
So O’Malley stepped out on the dirt road and met with the donkey while all the other folks struggled for good viewing positions from inside the saloon.
As the people watched, O’Malley tenderly took the donkey by the head and he seemed to be saying something into the donkey’s ears. In no time the donkey was kicking around, laughing, neighing and running up and down the dirt road. Everyone was amazed “What in heaven’s name overtook that donkey” many asked? O’Malley beckoned for calm while he summoned the donkey. He took the donkey to a corner where no one could see. When he returned the donkey actually was crying with tears running down its eyes.
O’Malley walked up to Jerry the foreman who did not hesitate in paying him the $200.00 as agreed. But then everyone pleaded with O’Malley to let them into the secret. O’Malley said “To make him laugh I told it I had a bigger dick than it and of course no donkey would ever believe that”. Everyone agreed that it made sense; “but then what did you do to make it cry?” they asked in unison. “Oh that was easy “he said. “I took him round the corner and showed him my dick” he added. While all the men gazed at O’Malley in amazement and disbelief, the ladies had rushed at him shouting out things like “O”Malley I’ll give you for free; O’Malley you dn’t have to pay rent anymore; O’Malley I always thought you were 6ft tall” and so on and so forth. Rumour has it that O’Malley went on to travel the Wild West exhibiting his huge talent, making good money and fathering some fifty or more children. His road show was named DA DICK. It is claimed that he was ambushed and clobbered to death by 2 very irate husbands; one said he no longer could feel his wife and the other rejected his son saying that he was just as talented as O’Malley.
There are a few lessons from this story; 1)Do not underrate a man because of his size ;2) Do not use your natural talent recklessly for you might die early.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
SCOUNDRELS & RASCALS
It was pretty late in life that I got to learn that being down right truthful does not yield dividends. I lived in a world where most people enveloped themselves in cocoons of untruths. A world where every one is a prince or princess & eats nothing but venison & quail eggs daily. A world where tales of impossible achievements are told all in an attempt to feel superior to the other.
I got to learn that all of these are in order as long as they are not done with a criminal intent & the only gain is your bloated ego which should put you in good stead in society.
So you can tell lies, polish up your personal data, make claims to great athletic achievements, talk of travels to places near & far once you have made sure none of your audience has ever been there; name exotic foods & wines that do not exist or that have been swotted out of BBC lifestyle. Then again there is the issue of royalty; in my country one of every two persons is a prince or princess; it is a case of too many chiefs & no Indians.
In this game you do not say you are broke; you shout it loud & clear that the government is yet to pay you the balance of $20m for the construction of so & so airport & until you are paid you are going to be strapped for cash. This will become your collateral to borrow money. You’ll be surprised how many people respond positively to your needs. It works all the time but who are the most gullible in this matter! Women of course; you are telling all these fibs for sex. They are the most attentive when these rascals start these tall tales. These rascals always have persons who can collaborate these stories on standby. I have no sympathy for these vixens when they are taken on a ride for it is their greed that causes their downfall. So they hang around these liars handing them free sex until many moons later when they discover that it’s all being an empty boast. Regardless you do feel sorry for them. The worst part of it is that these young women flaunt these fake personalities before the decent young men who had propositioned them; who is going to have the last laugh!
A friend of mine was so perfect at this; he was not known to have done an honest job in his life; if not for all of his life at least for the better part of his life. With his tall tales he was known to lure 2 & sometimes 3 women to his boudoir on first sighting. I have been chanced to over hear him working on a potential prey & what I heard was incredible not so much so that it was masterful but that any one could fall for it. Sometimes I like to believe that the women pretend to fall for it while in reality all they want is a darned good shag & all of the preambles might be their idea of foreplay.
I am not gifted with this rascally talent & I have suffered for it. A couple of females who rejected my simple advances here in Nigeria ran into me in very cold UK & begged & pleaded for an outing with me to which I responded by saying “NO THE NATIVES ARE FRIENDLY”.
I got to learn that all of these are in order as long as they are not done with a criminal intent & the only gain is your bloated ego which should put you in good stead in society.
So you can tell lies, polish up your personal data, make claims to great athletic achievements, talk of travels to places near & far once you have made sure none of your audience has ever been there; name exotic foods & wines that do not exist or that have been swotted out of BBC lifestyle. Then again there is the issue of royalty; in my country one of every two persons is a prince or princess; it is a case of too many chiefs & no Indians.
In this game you do not say you are broke; you shout it loud & clear that the government is yet to pay you the balance of $20m for the construction of so & so airport & until you are paid you are going to be strapped for cash. This will become your collateral to borrow money. You’ll be surprised how many people respond positively to your needs. It works all the time but who are the most gullible in this matter! Women of course; you are telling all these fibs for sex. They are the most attentive when these rascals start these tall tales. These rascals always have persons who can collaborate these stories on standby. I have no sympathy for these vixens when they are taken on a ride for it is their greed that causes their downfall. So they hang around these liars handing them free sex until many moons later when they discover that it’s all being an empty boast. Regardless you do feel sorry for them. The worst part of it is that these young women flaunt these fake personalities before the decent young men who had propositioned them; who is going to have the last laugh!
A friend of mine was so perfect at this; he was not known to have done an honest job in his life; if not for all of his life at least for the better part of his life. With his tall tales he was known to lure 2 & sometimes 3 women to his boudoir on first sighting. I have been chanced to over hear him working on a potential prey & what I heard was incredible not so much so that it was masterful but that any one could fall for it. Sometimes I like to believe that the women pretend to fall for it while in reality all they want is a darned good shag & all of the preambles might be their idea of foreplay.
I am not gifted with this rascally talent & I have suffered for it. A couple of females who rejected my simple advances here in Nigeria ran into me in very cold UK & begged & pleaded for an outing with me to which I responded by saying “NO THE NATIVES ARE FRIENDLY”.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
MY GENERATION
There are many reasons why I can say that my generation bridged the gap betweeen my parents'and my children's generation. By my generation am talking about those born Post world 2 to about the late fifties otherwise known as Baby Boomers.
A majority of our parents was intolerant of anything new & only what was acceptable to it was of any use to us. We just could'nt see eye to eye especially when it came to music. According to them,our music was an abomination, there was nothing musical about it, the lyrics were immoral & decadent, only hoodlums played such music, they had no home training & they were a bad influence on us. "For goodness sake dad I dnt say I wanted to marry any one of them, I just love the music " some children will holler.
Before I was 10yrs old I was already use to Nat King-Cole, Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, Lord kitchener, Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Harry Belafonte, Ambrose Campbell, etc etc & these were some of my Father's favourites & not only was I singing & liking them, but I was to start buying them in my latter years.
But when our music now came on the scene, it was taboo in many homes. They thought Elvis was vulgar what with his hip swinging suggestive moves. There were other greats like Little Richard, Chuck Berry,and then to drive them nuts Fela (Abami eda) came back to Nigeria introducing his very high tempo music then called Afro beat. On the global scale the British pop groups like the Beatles, Rolling Stones, Cream, Who, the Animals, Manfred Mann, & many more ruled the scene but then came the Motown magic with The Temptations, The Supremes, Smokey Robinson, Marvin Gaye,etc. Stax & Atlantic then produced greats like Wilson (the wicked) Picket, Otis Redding, James Taylor Aretha Franklin,etc. Then along came the outrageous Mr James Brown, the fantabulous Earth wind & fire & many more. Our parents rejected almost every one of them.
Today as I write, am enjoying the music of D banj on the radio. It is not good enough to just say that I dnt mind today's music; I actually enjoy some tremendously; stars like Amy Winehouse, Alicia keys, John Legend, Gwen Stefanie, Fergie, Wande coal, Jay-z, Rihanna & many more. I have even bought some of the sounds which tells a lot.
Reciprocally, our children are enjoying our Stevie Wonder, James Brown, Earth wind & fire, Temptations, Fela, Aretha Franklin, & many more. Just listen to them on classic FM.
One other thing we dnt do but which our parents did without hesitation was to whip the bleeding daylights out of us (well not all of them).Those of my generation did a lot of things with their kids. We played a lot with our kids; rough housing, tumbling, wrestling, sharing niceties, & discussing problems without fear of reproach. Some of our Fathers ran a regime close to Hitler's.
I have noticed that Fathers & mothers have reversed roles since the old days. Before it was " your father must not hear of this" now it is mother.
So who bridged the gap?
A majority of our parents was intolerant of anything new & only what was acceptable to it was of any use to us. We just could'nt see eye to eye especially when it came to music. According to them,our music was an abomination, there was nothing musical about it, the lyrics were immoral & decadent, only hoodlums played such music, they had no home training & they were a bad influence on us. "For goodness sake dad I dnt say I wanted to marry any one of them, I just love the music " some children will holler.
Before I was 10yrs old I was already use to Nat King-Cole, Louis "Satchmo" Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, Lord kitchener, Frank Sinatra, Bing Crosby, Harry Belafonte, Ambrose Campbell, etc etc & these were some of my Father's favourites & not only was I singing & liking them, but I was to start buying them in my latter years.
But when our music now came on the scene, it was taboo in many homes. They thought Elvis was vulgar what with his hip swinging suggestive moves. There were other greats like Little Richard, Chuck Berry,and then to drive them nuts Fela (Abami eda) came back to Nigeria introducing his very high tempo music then called Afro beat. On the global scale the British pop groups like the Beatles, Rolling Stones, Cream, Who, the Animals, Manfred Mann, & many more ruled the scene but then came the Motown magic with The Temptations, The Supremes, Smokey Robinson, Marvin Gaye,etc. Stax & Atlantic then produced greats like Wilson (the wicked) Picket, Otis Redding, James Taylor Aretha Franklin,etc. Then along came the outrageous Mr James Brown, the fantabulous Earth wind & fire & many more. Our parents rejected almost every one of them.
Today as I write, am enjoying the music of D banj on the radio. It is not good enough to just say that I dnt mind today's music; I actually enjoy some tremendously; stars like Amy Winehouse, Alicia keys, John Legend, Gwen Stefanie, Fergie, Wande coal, Jay-z, Rihanna & many more. I have even bought some of the sounds which tells a lot.
Reciprocally, our children are enjoying our Stevie Wonder, James Brown, Earth wind & fire, Temptations, Fela, Aretha Franklin, & many more. Just listen to them on classic FM.
One other thing we dnt do but which our parents did without hesitation was to whip the bleeding daylights out of us (well not all of them).Those of my generation did a lot of things with their kids. We played a lot with our kids; rough housing, tumbling, wrestling, sharing niceties, & discussing problems without fear of reproach. Some of our Fathers ran a regime close to Hitler's.
I have noticed that Fathers & mothers have reversed roles since the old days. Before it was " your father must not hear of this" now it is mother.
So who bridged the gap?
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Jesus played for Spain
When Spain substituted Pedro for Jesus Navas I knew Spain was going to win. Why did I think like that? Well whenever there are great moments like this something happens that gives the tabloids a chance to have catchy headlines. But to make it really great, I was hoping Jesus would score the winning goal then imaginations will run wild.
Here are some of the head lines I envisioned; "Jesus saves Spain", "Jesus is Spanish", "Alleluia for Jesus",
"Jesus plays for Spain". I am not an expert at this but am sure the pros would have far more extravagant ideas.
Just like they do in Golf when Tiger looks well behind after the 1st 2 rounds but starts closing in on the 3rd, you get to read headlines like "Tiger on the prowl" "Tiger lurks" etc..
But then again if Spain had lost, you could be reading headlines like "Even Jesus could'nt save Spain".
Oh how I admire good journalism.
Here are some of the head lines I envisioned; "Jesus saves Spain", "Jesus is Spanish", "Alleluia for Jesus",
"Jesus plays for Spain". I am not an expert at this but am sure the pros would have far more extravagant ideas.
Just like they do in Golf when Tiger looks well behind after the 1st 2 rounds but starts closing in on the 3rd, you get to read headlines like "Tiger on the prowl" "Tiger lurks" etc..
But then again if Spain had lost, you could be reading headlines like "Even Jesus could'nt save Spain".
Oh how I admire good journalism.
Judas did not betray Jesus
Sometime ago a character named Judas Iscariot who was one of the disciples of Jesus Christ was shamed & ostracised because, according to the story he betrayed Jesus but that is not exactly what happened according to some other source & this is how this particular version goes.
Judas was an innocent & naive man who was approached by some undercover agents of Mossad who believed that Jesus was a communist trying to overthrow the government of the day as installed by their Roman over lords.
So they pretended they were followers of Jesus both on face book & twitter & they asked Judas to help them meet Jesus so as to obtain his autograph & Judas was offered a liitle sum for this job. I mean it's no different from what the Duchess of York Fergie did to help some business men meet Prince Andrew.
And that is how Judas got into trouble and hung himself in shame. To date you do not find any one answering the name Judas. This I dn't understand seeing that Jesus himself had a brother called Judas.
So many names have suffered same fate like Jezebel, Delilah, Goliath: such names are confined & buried along with the infamous owners or sometimes we give them to our pets hoping they behave like the infamous owners. We name a dog Atilla because we want it to be brutal.
Do not name your Pitbull Brutus or it will turn on you.
Judas was an innocent & naive man who was approached by some undercover agents of Mossad who believed that Jesus was a communist trying to overthrow the government of the day as installed by their Roman over lords.
So they pretended they were followers of Jesus both on face book & twitter & they asked Judas to help them meet Jesus so as to obtain his autograph & Judas was offered a liitle sum for this job. I mean it's no different from what the Duchess of York Fergie did to help some business men meet Prince Andrew.
And that is how Judas got into trouble and hung himself in shame. To date you do not find any one answering the name Judas. This I dn't understand seeing that Jesus himself had a brother called Judas.
So many names have suffered same fate like Jezebel, Delilah, Goliath: such names are confined & buried along with the infamous owners or sometimes we give them to our pets hoping they behave like the infamous owners. We name a dog Atilla because we want it to be brutal.
Do not name your Pitbull Brutus or it will turn on you.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
patrick hornblower: MISGUIDED, MISLED, DECEIVED OR JUST UNEDUCATED.
patrick hornblower: MISGUIDED, MISLED, DECEIVED OR JUST UNEDUCATED.: "Was the founding of the Nation of Islam just a response to Christianity's strong hold on Black America? Was it a ploy to prey on on Black Am..."
MISGUIDED, MISLED, DECEIVED OR JUST UNEDUCATED.
Was the founding of the Nation of Islam just a response to Christianity's strong hold on Black America? Was it a ploy to prey on on Black America whose majority was not knowledged on such issues? Were Elijah Muhammad & his cohorts just living the good life off the Blacks? Stories of lechery, debauchery & life styles resembling the days of Caligula in Old Rome trickled out of their enclave.
They made the American blacks believe that Islam is an African thing whereas Islam & Christianity both originated from the middle East with Islam moving further East & Christianity moving West to Europe.
In the early times both religions spread their doctrines by force with Islam coming across the desert to Africa while Christianity sailed the coasts of Africa. Both traded in various goods but most lucrative for both was slavery. Most of all they lied to the Natives telling them about a greater life after death. Those who did not adhere were put to death. In no time they were bearing Arabic names or Jewish & European names. Many Africans started believing that their cultures were inferior to the European. They tried to speak these foreign languages like the owners of the language & even teased those who spoke with their native accents. This continues to happen to date. Africans discarded their religions, names & languages; 3 items which are most relevant in shaping your identity & building your confidence as an individual who is as important as the next. It pains me that in Nigeria today European & Arabic names are still predominant. In the North of Nigeria today almost every person is Mohammed (with variant spellings), Abubakar & Musa; down south more so in the East, all you find are Mathew, Mark, Luke , John etc,etc. Peoples of the Western region(Yorubas in particular) have almost totally eradicated these foreign names. I do not think there is any law(canon or sharia) that mandates you adopt these foreign names.
When the great Cassius Clay was convinced by the Nation of Islam to change his name to Mohammed Alli, I thought it was the greatest fraud perpetrated against any one person. Regardless Alli has been an inspiration to all more so the Blacks. A great sporting icon with the gift of the garb; but as the young Cassius Clay, he was naive & gullible to the trickery of all whether christian, moslem or just the regular touts. He was always between the devil & the deep blue sea. Fortunately the World still salutes him not just(arguably) as the greatest boxer ever but also as a great human being.
I believe some of these issues are why Africa & Africans are in a quandry & so too are black Americans. I was watching a programme on how Cambodian & Vietnamese businesses are doing so well in the USA just some 35yrs after the wars in South East Asia. Are the blacks still blaming slavery? The good thing is if you can identify your problem then you should be able to put it behind you.
There is no place for the weak in this world. The strong will always dominate the weak unles of course you are waiting for the christian/Islamic promise that the weak or is it the meek will inherit the earth.
They made the American blacks believe that Islam is an African thing whereas Islam & Christianity both originated from the middle East with Islam moving further East & Christianity moving West to Europe.
In the early times both religions spread their doctrines by force with Islam coming across the desert to Africa while Christianity sailed the coasts of Africa. Both traded in various goods but most lucrative for both was slavery. Most of all they lied to the Natives telling them about a greater life after death. Those who did not adhere were put to death. In no time they were bearing Arabic names or Jewish & European names. Many Africans started believing that their cultures were inferior to the European. They tried to speak these foreign languages like the owners of the language & even teased those who spoke with their native accents. This continues to happen to date. Africans discarded their religions, names & languages; 3 items which are most relevant in shaping your identity & building your confidence as an individual who is as important as the next. It pains me that in Nigeria today European & Arabic names are still predominant. In the North of Nigeria today almost every person is Mohammed (with variant spellings), Abubakar & Musa; down south more so in the East, all you find are Mathew, Mark, Luke , John etc,etc. Peoples of the Western region(Yorubas in particular) have almost totally eradicated these foreign names. I do not think there is any law(canon or sharia) that mandates you adopt these foreign names.
When the great Cassius Clay was convinced by the Nation of Islam to change his name to Mohammed Alli, I thought it was the greatest fraud perpetrated against any one person. Regardless Alli has been an inspiration to all more so the Blacks. A great sporting icon with the gift of the garb; but as the young Cassius Clay, he was naive & gullible to the trickery of all whether christian, moslem or just the regular touts. He was always between the devil & the deep blue sea. Fortunately the World still salutes him not just(arguably) as the greatest boxer ever but also as a great human being.
I believe some of these issues are why Africa & Africans are in a quandry & so too are black Americans. I was watching a programme on how Cambodian & Vietnamese businesses are doing so well in the USA just some 35yrs after the wars in South East Asia. Are the blacks still blaming slavery? The good thing is if you can identify your problem then you should be able to put it behind you.
There is no place for the weak in this world. The strong will always dominate the weak unles of course you are waiting for the christian/Islamic promise that the weak or is it the meek will inherit the earth.
Friday, July 9, 2010
HALFCASTE, HALFBREED, MIXED BLOOD, MULLATO ETC
All of the above names & more are used to identify persons of mixed heritage especially between whites & blacks. They are most times used derogatively, very rarely used admiringly but very often mischieviously.
Whether black or white society, persons of mixed heritage have been subjected to some form of abuse/ridicule & some of these are partial facts & partial myth.
In Africa it is a conclusion that every black woman with a white man is a prostitute or, one seeking a better life & I can authoritatively say that to this day this is more fact than myth. This does not mean that some black women & white men have not actually fallen in love with each other. You will find that such is a rarity & it is usually between middle class folks whereas you'll discover that the generality of those on the other side of the fence are of a classless breed. White men who but for employment in Africa would come to nought in their countries. Products of such relationships are no sooner shortchanged as the white man denies the paternity & soon returns to his country & wife. The female products of such relationships are in no time going into prostitution with their mothers even pimping for them while the boys indulge in very devious activities.
Western Europe has over the years taken a more tolerant view of the white/ black relationship. But there was a time when it was thought that any white woman going out with a black man was sexually depraved. The myth was that Black men had more sexual drive & appetite & most of all were generously endowed down below. But all of these have not exempted them from ridicule & abuse by their peers as the Oscar winning actress Halle Berry has at various times emphasised.
Fortunately for some of the off-springs of these mullatoes, that is 1/4 & 3/4 white with black or vice versa (quadroons as we are called) they could turn out white or black enough for no one to suspect that that they are biracial products. Am not one of the fortunate ones as I am extremely light in colour & some people even think that I am Arab or Indian. But I have quadroon brothers & friends who have lost every trace of their whiteness & no longer suffer the abuses & are totally accepted as proper black folks.
It is funny how we tend to find each other & stick together. The greatest part of it is that we are mostly all so good looking & the girls keep loving us.
Viva les mullatoes et mullatas. ( Dnt know if that is correct)
Whether black or white society, persons of mixed heritage have been subjected to some form of abuse/ridicule & some of these are partial facts & partial myth.
In Africa it is a conclusion that every black woman with a white man is a prostitute or, one seeking a better life & I can authoritatively say that to this day this is more fact than myth. This does not mean that some black women & white men have not actually fallen in love with each other. You will find that such is a rarity & it is usually between middle class folks whereas you'll discover that the generality of those on the other side of the fence are of a classless breed. White men who but for employment in Africa would come to nought in their countries. Products of such relationships are no sooner shortchanged as the white man denies the paternity & soon returns to his country & wife. The female products of such relationships are in no time going into prostitution with their mothers even pimping for them while the boys indulge in very devious activities.
Western Europe has over the years taken a more tolerant view of the white/ black relationship. But there was a time when it was thought that any white woman going out with a black man was sexually depraved. The myth was that Black men had more sexual drive & appetite & most of all were generously endowed down below. But all of these have not exempted them from ridicule & abuse by their peers as the Oscar winning actress Halle Berry has at various times emphasised.
Fortunately for some of the off-springs of these mullatoes, that is 1/4 & 3/4 white with black or vice versa (quadroons as we are called) they could turn out white or black enough for no one to suspect that that they are biracial products. Am not one of the fortunate ones as I am extremely light in colour & some people even think that I am Arab or Indian. But I have quadroon brothers & friends who have lost every trace of their whiteness & no longer suffer the abuses & are totally accepted as proper black folks.
It is funny how we tend to find each other & stick together. The greatest part of it is that we are mostly all so good looking & the girls keep loving us.
Viva les mullatoes et mullatas. ( Dnt know if that is correct)
Thursday, July 8, 2010
SPAIN VS GERMANY! WHAT A GAME
If you watched the game last night & you know something about football then you must agree with me that it was a highly tactical game. Germany in previous games had displayed tactics that overwhelmed their opponents; only this time someone else had their phone numbers from the Chancellor's down to the manager's & players'. That was Del Bosque & his all star team who greedily held on to the ball & dared the Germans to come at them in their normally frenetic pace.If they dared to do that, the result would most likely have been worse than the 1-0 win.
It is ages since I last saw a team that kept so calm for 90mins which infact prompted Pedro to audaciously try to displace some 3 German defenders rather than pass the ball to a very idle Torres who more than anybody else needed that to ressurect his spirit. Luckily for him Puyol's goal had sealed victory otherwise he would have been on the streets of Barcelona being pursued by raging bulls in human form.
Meanwhile, what about Paul the psychic octopus? Is he in soup or what? No please dnt do that ; keep him around so we know what he has to say come 2012.
It is ages since I last saw a team that kept so calm for 90mins which infact prompted Pedro to audaciously try to displace some 3 German defenders rather than pass the ball to a very idle Torres who more than anybody else needed that to ressurect his spirit. Luckily for him Puyol's goal had sealed victory otherwise he would have been on the streets of Barcelona being pursued by raging bulls in human form.
Meanwhile, what about Paul the psychic octopus? Is he in soup or what? No please dnt do that ; keep him around so we know what he has to say come 2012.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
World cup finals
Did any North Korean player defect after the massive 7-0 loss to Portugal or did they all go home to face the wrath of their leader Kim Jong-il?
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