Are you afraid of or do you hold in awe your God or gods? Are you committed to a particular mode of worship because you were born into it? Do you have reservations about your religion but are afraid to talk about them because you might look like an atheist, non-believer, rebel, child of the devil etc? Do you in general want to question or challenge your religion & what it stands for? Do you doubt the existence of your God or gods but still join in worship as an insurance in case he, she, or they actually exist?
If you have answered any one of the following positively then my advice to you is to join RELIGION OF THE CONSCIENCE where you learn to rely on your brain and your conscience to determine your dos and donts. Bear in mind that for every action, there is a reaction, which might be painful, but if like Machiavelli, you believe that the end justifies the means, do please carry on. You are definitely ready to bear the consequences of your action. Religion of the conscience is free because everyone has a conscience albeit guilty or not. No tithes or other obligations are imposed on you. Nobody looks down on you when you fail to make a compulsory donation. Nobody feeds fat over your hard-earned income by promising that you will be replenished 10 fold.
If you start hearing murmurs in your heart or voices of your God or gods after becoming a member of the Religion of conscience, I suggest that you go back to your previous calling as this is an indication that you are in limbo & are not strong enough to think for yourself.
When you belong to anyone of the religions that may be covered by paragraph one, you are subjected to two laws; your religious laws (canon, sharia etc) & the laws of the land, & sometimes they conflict. With the Religion of Conscience, you are subject only to the laws of the land and your brain and your conscience are the best tools to handle these.
Are you one that believes that there is something more than life on earth? In other words, you believe in double punishment or reward; that if you have been reprimanded here on earth there is further punishment awaiting you when you die.
What about the Devil, Satan, Lucifer or the evil gods of other religions? What part do they play in all of these? People who are caught doing wrong are quick to blame the devil for their actions and in some other religions, evil spirits are blamed for their plight. Be it cancer, sickle cell, diabetes,etc, when something is inexplicable, you hear shouts like it is in God’s hands, the gods are responsible or the devil is at work. When tsunamis, mudslides, hurricanes and other natural disasters occur, I do not hear any body blaming God since in the context of Islam, Xtianity and Judaism, they claim he is the creator of all. Should he not have armed man with the ability to avert the disasters brought on by nature? Why are the disasters there in the first place? I get confused when something horrible happens & Xtians say that it is the will of God, only God knows best, the Lord works in amysterious way. If all of these be the case what is the devil responsible for????
Some religions blame it on the evil gods who probably have over-powered the good gods which makes more sense.
Famine claims millions of lives and yet they say it is the will of God or the gods. In a few countries, famine will never be known because man has found the solution. Everyday & second man is developing and solving some more problems. When the going is good, people will say, ”I thank God for that” and then when disaster strikes , they will shout “ Oh my God why me?” But mean while you claim that he knows best. So submit yourself entirely & stop grumbling or abandon ship & let your conscience dictate.
Do not blame God or the gods or even the devil for your woes. Even you have become independent of your parents & so will your children some day. So leave God or whoever alone and do your thing.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
The Donkey and Da Dick
For as far back as I can remember, we have always compared the man who is well hung or has a huge dick to that of the donkeys’. In my hometown, you would hear things like “ol’ boy the man na Jackie”; in other words the man is a jackass which is another name for a male ass or donkey & jackie is the guy name for jackass. Aside of donkeys being the yard stick for defining huge dicks, horses are also used but who cares horses & donkeys are cousins.
The story or joke I am about to tell I first heard some forty years ago but I have sexed it up to give it some oomph.
Way back in the eighteen hundreds in a mining town in Arizona, the miners always gathered at the Mad Horse saloon for drinks, card games, sing alongs & of course, women and every day they noticed this lonely, morose, sad and melancholic donkey just hanging outside the saloon. Somebody added that the donkey always looked so sad. “Oh yes” everybody concurred. Jerry the foreman of the miners then called all to attention & said that he is offering $100.00 (big money then) to anyone who could make the donkey laugh. Little O’Malley immediately took him on and said with such boldness “ I will make that donkey laugh” then he went on to ask “ will you give me another $100.00 if I make it cry” he asked? Jerry the foreman agreed. Everyone was surprised at O’Malley’s move; they had always known him to be a timid and shy fellow and all he ever did was to do all the odd jobs for the big boys but true to form, this was also an odd job. Regardless they still wondered what Little O’Malley who stood at just over 5ft 2ins could be up to.
So O’Malley stepped out on the dirt road and met with the donkey while all the other folks struggled for good viewing positions from inside the saloon.
As the people watched, O’Malley tenderly took the donkey by the head and he seemed to be saying something into the donkey’s ears. In no time the donkey was kicking around, laughing, neighing and running up and down the dirt road. Everyone was amazed “What in heaven’s name overtook that donkey” many asked? O’Malley beckoned for calm while he summoned the donkey. He took the donkey to a corner where no one could see. When he returned the donkey actually was crying with tears running down its eyes.
O’Malley walked up to Jerry the foreman who did not hesitate in paying him the $200.00 as agreed. But then everyone pleaded with O’Malley to let them into the secret. O’Malley said “To make him laugh I told it I had a bigger dick than it and of course no donkey would ever believe that”. Everyone agreed that it made sense; “but then what did you do to make it cry?” they asked in unison. “Oh that was easy “he said. “I took him round the corner and showed him my dick” he added. While all the men gazed at O’Malley in amazement and disbelief, the ladies had rushed at him shouting out things like “O”Malley I’ll give you for free; O’Malley you dn’t have to pay rent anymore; O’Malley I always thought you were 6ft tall” and so on and so forth. Rumour has it that O’Malley went on to travel the Wild West exhibiting his huge talent, making good money and fathering some fifty or more children. His road show was named DA DICK. It is claimed that he was ambushed and clobbered to death by 2 very irate husbands; one said he no longer could feel his wife and the other rejected his son saying that he was just as talented as O’Malley.
There are a few lessons from this story; 1)Do not underrate a man because of his size ;2) Do not use your natural talent recklessly for you might die early.
The story or joke I am about to tell I first heard some forty years ago but I have sexed it up to give it some oomph.
Way back in the eighteen hundreds in a mining town in Arizona, the miners always gathered at the Mad Horse saloon for drinks, card games, sing alongs & of course, women and every day they noticed this lonely, morose, sad and melancholic donkey just hanging outside the saloon. Somebody added that the donkey always looked so sad. “Oh yes” everybody concurred. Jerry the foreman of the miners then called all to attention & said that he is offering $100.00 (big money then) to anyone who could make the donkey laugh. Little O’Malley immediately took him on and said with such boldness “ I will make that donkey laugh” then he went on to ask “ will you give me another $100.00 if I make it cry” he asked? Jerry the foreman agreed. Everyone was surprised at O’Malley’s move; they had always known him to be a timid and shy fellow and all he ever did was to do all the odd jobs for the big boys but true to form, this was also an odd job. Regardless they still wondered what Little O’Malley who stood at just over 5ft 2ins could be up to.
So O’Malley stepped out on the dirt road and met with the donkey while all the other folks struggled for good viewing positions from inside the saloon.
As the people watched, O’Malley tenderly took the donkey by the head and he seemed to be saying something into the donkey’s ears. In no time the donkey was kicking around, laughing, neighing and running up and down the dirt road. Everyone was amazed “What in heaven’s name overtook that donkey” many asked? O’Malley beckoned for calm while he summoned the donkey. He took the donkey to a corner where no one could see. When he returned the donkey actually was crying with tears running down its eyes.
O’Malley walked up to Jerry the foreman who did not hesitate in paying him the $200.00 as agreed. But then everyone pleaded with O’Malley to let them into the secret. O’Malley said “To make him laugh I told it I had a bigger dick than it and of course no donkey would ever believe that”. Everyone agreed that it made sense; “but then what did you do to make it cry?” they asked in unison. “Oh that was easy “he said. “I took him round the corner and showed him my dick” he added. While all the men gazed at O’Malley in amazement and disbelief, the ladies had rushed at him shouting out things like “O”Malley I’ll give you for free; O’Malley you dn’t have to pay rent anymore; O’Malley I always thought you were 6ft tall” and so on and so forth. Rumour has it that O’Malley went on to travel the Wild West exhibiting his huge talent, making good money and fathering some fifty or more children. His road show was named DA DICK. It is claimed that he was ambushed and clobbered to death by 2 very irate husbands; one said he no longer could feel his wife and the other rejected his son saying that he was just as talented as O’Malley.
There are a few lessons from this story; 1)Do not underrate a man because of his size ;2) Do not use your natural talent recklessly for you might die early.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
SCOUNDRELS & RASCALS
It was pretty late in life that I got to learn that being down right truthful does not yield dividends. I lived in a world where most people enveloped themselves in cocoons of untruths. A world where every one is a prince or princess & eats nothing but venison & quail eggs daily. A world where tales of impossible achievements are told all in an attempt to feel superior to the other.
I got to learn that all of these are in order as long as they are not done with a criminal intent & the only gain is your bloated ego which should put you in good stead in society.
So you can tell lies, polish up your personal data, make claims to great athletic achievements, talk of travels to places near & far once you have made sure none of your audience has ever been there; name exotic foods & wines that do not exist or that have been swotted out of BBC lifestyle. Then again there is the issue of royalty; in my country one of every two persons is a prince or princess; it is a case of too many chiefs & no Indians.
In this game you do not say you are broke; you shout it loud & clear that the government is yet to pay you the balance of $20m for the construction of so & so airport & until you are paid you are going to be strapped for cash. This will become your collateral to borrow money. You’ll be surprised how many people respond positively to your needs. It works all the time but who are the most gullible in this matter! Women of course; you are telling all these fibs for sex. They are the most attentive when these rascals start these tall tales. These rascals always have persons who can collaborate these stories on standby. I have no sympathy for these vixens when they are taken on a ride for it is their greed that causes their downfall. So they hang around these liars handing them free sex until many moons later when they discover that it’s all being an empty boast. Regardless you do feel sorry for them. The worst part of it is that these young women flaunt these fake personalities before the decent young men who had propositioned them; who is going to have the last laugh!
A friend of mine was so perfect at this; he was not known to have done an honest job in his life; if not for all of his life at least for the better part of his life. With his tall tales he was known to lure 2 & sometimes 3 women to his boudoir on first sighting. I have been chanced to over hear him working on a potential prey & what I heard was incredible not so much so that it was masterful but that any one could fall for it. Sometimes I like to believe that the women pretend to fall for it while in reality all they want is a darned good shag & all of the preambles might be their idea of foreplay.
I am not gifted with this rascally talent & I have suffered for it. A couple of females who rejected my simple advances here in Nigeria ran into me in very cold UK & begged & pleaded for an outing with me to which I responded by saying “NO THE NATIVES ARE FRIENDLY”.
I got to learn that all of these are in order as long as they are not done with a criminal intent & the only gain is your bloated ego which should put you in good stead in society.
So you can tell lies, polish up your personal data, make claims to great athletic achievements, talk of travels to places near & far once you have made sure none of your audience has ever been there; name exotic foods & wines that do not exist or that have been swotted out of BBC lifestyle. Then again there is the issue of royalty; in my country one of every two persons is a prince or princess; it is a case of too many chiefs & no Indians.
In this game you do not say you are broke; you shout it loud & clear that the government is yet to pay you the balance of $20m for the construction of so & so airport & until you are paid you are going to be strapped for cash. This will become your collateral to borrow money. You’ll be surprised how many people respond positively to your needs. It works all the time but who are the most gullible in this matter! Women of course; you are telling all these fibs for sex. They are the most attentive when these rascals start these tall tales. These rascals always have persons who can collaborate these stories on standby. I have no sympathy for these vixens when they are taken on a ride for it is their greed that causes their downfall. So they hang around these liars handing them free sex until many moons later when they discover that it’s all being an empty boast. Regardless you do feel sorry for them. The worst part of it is that these young women flaunt these fake personalities before the decent young men who had propositioned them; who is going to have the last laugh!
A friend of mine was so perfect at this; he was not known to have done an honest job in his life; if not for all of his life at least for the better part of his life. With his tall tales he was known to lure 2 & sometimes 3 women to his boudoir on first sighting. I have been chanced to over hear him working on a potential prey & what I heard was incredible not so much so that it was masterful but that any one could fall for it. Sometimes I like to believe that the women pretend to fall for it while in reality all they want is a darned good shag & all of the preambles might be their idea of foreplay.
I am not gifted with this rascally talent & I have suffered for it. A couple of females who rejected my simple advances here in Nigeria ran into me in very cold UK & begged & pleaded for an outing with me to which I responded by saying “NO THE NATIVES ARE FRIENDLY”.
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